While life in Russia is already tough enough as it is, some lawmakers seem determined to make it even more dramatically miserable for ordinary people. In recent months, officials and public activists have been pumping out bizarre legislative ideas at full speed — each stranger than the last. Below is a roundup of the latest proposals shaping Russia’s increasingly surreal political landscape.
Jailing Russians for “Parasitism”
Russian lawmakers want to imprison citizens for “parasitism.” The initiative has already been submitted to the Federation Council. Violators would face corrective labor or up to one year in prison. According to Vitaly Borodin, head of the Federal Project for Security and Anti-Corruption, this will simultaneously solve workforce shortages, illegal migration, and demographic problems.
Creating a National Registry of Bachelors
The Union of Orthodox Banner-Bearers has proposed creating a national registry of bachelors to boost the birthrate. They believe keeping track of single men will stimulate demographic growth — as long as the registry doesn’t become mandatory.
Because when romance fails, a government spreadsheet will surely fix it.
Nationwide Alcohol Ban for the Holidays
Public activists want to ban alcohol sales from December through the end of the New Year holidays. They claim a total ban will improve the nation’s health and demographics.
Spouses to Monitor Each Other’s Online Shopping
Lawmakers want husbands and wives in Russia to monitor each other’s online purchases. Spouses would be able to set spending limits on marketplaces; once the limit is exceeded, no new orders could be placed. Activists argue this will protect family budgets and prevent debt.
Because nothing strengthens marriage like government-backed mutual surveillance.
The Government Wants Data on Everything — Even When You Hit Pause
The Ministry of Digital Development plans to expand the data user platforms must send to Mediascope, the official audience measurement firm. Online cinemas and social networks would be required to provide permanent user identifiers and complete viewing information for every movie and series — including pauses and resumes.
Big Brother doesn’t just watch you — he knows when you go to the bathroom.
Banning Russians From Flaunting Luxury Online
Activists want to ban Russians from showing off luxurious lifestyles on social media. They claim that displaying expensive purchases, travel, and “beautiful living” encourages young people to “sell themselves and their souls” for material goods and erodes traditional family values.
Banning the Cartoon “Masha and the Bear”
Some activists want to ban the cartoon Masha and the Bear, arguing it contradicts traditional Russian values: the girl lives without parents and is raised by a bear, supposedly setting a bad example. They were especially outraged by an episode where the bear falls in love — only to be rejected by a female bear who chooses a stronger paw and a richer bouquet.
Internet Access Only With a Passport
The Public Chamber is calling for mandatory identification to access 18+ content online. They claim passport-based verification will protect teenagers from profanity, violence, and antisocial behavior.
Because minors have never, ever found a workaround on the internet.
Cutting Russians’ Vacation Time Because of the War
Activists want to reduce Russians’ vacation by one week due to the war, and also cut the number of official holidays because of the country’s economic difficulties. They argue that 21 vacation days and six New Year holidays are enough to overcome all of today’s challenges.
When in doubt, solve national crises by eliminating time off.
Fixing Demographics Through Poverty
State Duma deputy Matveychev proposed solving demographic problems through poverty. He stated: “The better people live, the fewer children they have. The highest birthrates are in poor countries, and the worst are in rich ones.”
According to him, increasing benefits and improving living conditions to raise the birthrate is “deception,” and the real stimulus should be the absence of financial comfort.
Finally — a policymaker brave enough to declare prosperity the enemy.
Selling Pills Individually “to Save Money”
Duma deputy Farrakhov suggested selling pills individually rather than in standard packaging. He believes medications should be produced in large sacks and divided in pharmacies according to prescriptions to reduce waste and save money.
Because who doesn’t want their antibiotics scooped from a giant communal bag?
Banning Single Women From Owning More Than One Cat
Russia’s Public Chamber declared that women with two or three cats are “perverted.” They proposed banning single women from owning more than one pet, arguing the Western trend of having many animals contradicts family values. Pets, they claim, replace husbands and children — therefore the lifestyle must be restricted.
Scaring Children With “You’ll Be a Street Sweeper” Now Banned
Rosobrnadzor has banned using the classic Russian parental threat: “If you don’t study, you’ll end up working as a street sweeper.” For decades, parents used this line to pressure children into better grades, but officials now say it’s harmful rather than motivating. According to agency head Muzaev, such fear-based tactics can lead to psychological stress and even family tragedies.
In other words, one of Russia’s most iconic parenting traditions has officially been labeled a hazard.
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