Weird News Weekly Dispatch – Episode 1: Vanishing Cities, Antidepressants, Earthquakes, and Vodka
This week brings depressive, sad, and even alarming headlines from across Russia.
129 Russian Cities May Disappear
129 Russian cities are on the brink of disappearing due to depopulation, according to RANEPA (Russian Presidential Academy of National Economy and Public Administration). 3.4 million people are affected. Among them: Verkhny Tagil, Inta, Kem, Torzhok, and Okha.
Nothing alarming, just vanishing towns.
Record-Breaking Antidepressant Sales
Russians have spent a record 4.6 billion rubles (approximately $51 million USD) on antidepressants and tranquilizers in just six months. Currently, one in five people in Russia is on antidepressants. The highest concentration is in Moscow, the Moscow region, St. Petersburg, and Krasnodar. Experts blame stress and economic instability.
But hey, nothing to worry about — everything’s totally fine.
Nighttime Toilet Use May Get You Evicted
Lawyers warn that Russians can be evicted for flushing toilets or showering at night. Sounds of water from 11:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. are considered a noise violation. If noise levels exceed the legal limit, violators can be fined up to 1,000 rubles (about $11 USD). Repeat offenders may face eviction.
Foul Language from Kids May Cost Parents
Children’s Rights Ombudsmen propose fining parents for their kids’ use of profanity. They claim swearing feeds “devil energy” and warn that such language could bring greater misfortune to the country.
Orthodox Church Says It’s Okay to Hit Kids—Sometimes
The Russian Orthodox Church, via Archpriest Andrey Tkachev, has endorsed corporal punishment—but only in two-parent families. A strict upbringing builds character, he said, and “a belt is sometimes appropriate” if there’s both discipline and mercy.
Father Bites Through Umbilical Cord—Baby Nearly Dies
In St. Petersburg, a father bit through the umbilical cord during a home birth as part of an online “ritual”. The baby almost died from blood loss, but was saved by doctors. The mother wanted to keep and cook the placenta, believing it could help with postpartum depression.
Deputy Says Tinted Windows Are ‘Gay’
State Duma Deputy Vitaly Milonov claims tinted car windows are a sign of homosexuality. “What does a driver do in a completely blacked-out car? Obviously — sodomitic pleasures,” he stated.
Whether serious or satirical, it’s a glimpse into the lawmaker’s priorities.
Teen Faces Prison for Drawing Swastika in Sandbox
A 16-year-old in Tomsk has been detained for drawing a swastika in a sandbox with his foot. He now faces up to three years in a penal colony.
Vendor Steals Lottery Tickets—Wins Nothing
In Kuban, a kiosk vendor stole 1,000 lottery tickets worth 200,000 rubles (approx. $2,200 USD). He won nothing and now faces up to two years in prison.
Finally, Some Good News: Vodka “Labubu” Is Coming
The vodka brand “Labubu” has officially been registered with Rospatent and will soon be available in stores.
Earthquake Hits Kamchatka—And Moves It 2 Meters
During a massive earthquake (8.7 magnitude offshore), Kamchatka shifted 2 meters to the southeast. According to the Geophysical Service of RAS, this shift is comparable to the one caused by the 2011 Japan earthquake.
At least we’re moving somewhere.
Moscow State University Shuts Down the Institute of Teleportation
Moscow State University has quietly taken down the website of the “Institute for the Study of the Nature of Time” — also dubbed the Institute of Teleportation. Yes, it really existed.
For years, the institute held seminars on time machines, teleportation, and even accessing information from the future. In one bizarre case, a speaker claimed someone allegedly saw a living stegosaurus — a dinosaur that went extinct 150 million years ago.
The website had been hosted since 1999 at chronos.msu.ru, a subdomain of MSU’s official website. While never formally recognized as part of the university’s academic structure, its presence on MSU’s domain gave it a misleading sense of legitimacy.
When journalists requested an official comment, the subdomain vanished overnight.
Time’s up.
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