Russia’s Strangest News of November: From Vibrator Boom to CS2 Grandma
If you thought October was wild, November said: “Hold my tea.”
From heated gadgets to heated rhetoric, from patriotic school bells to teenage mustaches — Russia delivered another month of news that feels like a cosmic blend of satire, sociology, and pure chaos.
Here’s your November rundown of the strange, surprising, and spectacularly odd.
Autumn Heatwave: Russia’s Vibrator Boom
This fall, Russian women rushed to buy vibrators at a record pace. Sales in October jumped nearly fourfold, setting a new annual high.
The most popular models? Heating vibrators — apparently perfect for long, cold evenings.
Psychologists say gloomy weather disrupts biorhythms, pushing people to seek comfort, stress relief, and, well… warmth.
“A Woman Can’t Exist Without a Man,” Says the Church
A priest from the Russian Orthodox Church declared that a woman is merely a “helper to man” and cannot exist without a husband.
Without a man, he warned, she drifts around “like a leaf in the wind.”
Somewhere, thousands of independent women rolled their eyes in unison.
Patriotism on Repeat: School Bells Replaced with Songs
In November, Russian schools are replacing bells with patriotic music for the second year in a row.
The playlist includes songs such as “My Brothers,” “Mother Russia,” “Lovely Russia,” “We Are United! Invincible!” and Denis Maidanov’s “Flag of My State.”
The initiative marks Unity Day and aims to unite schoolchildren — one chorus at a time.
Church Declares Women Who Had Abortions “Serial Killers”
In another fiery statement, a ROC bishop claimed that women who undergo abortions are “serial killers” who should face trial, while doctors performing them are “executioners covered in blood.”
Teen Girls Growing Mustaches — Literally
Doctors report a surge of teenage girls developing facial hair.
Previously, clinics saw 2 out of 10 girls with this issue — now it’s 6 out of 10.
The cause? Hormonal imbalance linked to obesity, lack of physical activity, and fast food.
Experts urge families not to panic: switch to healthy eating, move more, and start treatment. TikTok filters, sadly, can’t fix hormones.
Grandma Goes Pro: 77-Year-Old CS2 Streamer Nominated for Award
Meet Olga Ivanovna, a 77-year-old Counter-Strike 2 streamer from Nizhny Novgorod.
She went viral after single-handedly taking down an entire enemy team on her stream.
Now she’s nominated by NNYS for the “Best Gaming Moment” award — proving that esports in Russia has no age limit.
Holiday Prep: Intimate Hairstyles Trend Before New Year
With New Year approaching, demand for intimate haircuts among Russian women is up 60%.
Full epilation is out — creative, lightly hairy designs are in.
Your esthetician is now your festive-mood stylist.
The Saddest Christmas Tree of the Year
The city of Berezovsky in Kuzbass unveiled a Christmas tree so worn-out that locals immediately compared it to a toilet brush.
Festive? Debatable.
Memorable? Absolutely.
Sending Unsolicited Pics May Soon Be a Crime
Lawmakers want to fine men who send unsolicited dick pics to women.
The proposal has already been sent to the Ministry of Justice.
However, MP Wasserman insisted the ban would be “unnecessary and excessive.”
A bold hill to die on.
North Korea Makes Russian Mandatory
In North Korean schools, Russian has become a compulsory subject starting from 4th grade.
Tea Time Trouble: Cannabis in the Cup
A Russian man tried to treat prostatitis with “healing” Chinese tea — only to discover during a traffic stop that the tea contained cannabis.
Police tested him, revoked his license for nearly two years, and fined him ₽45,000.
Not exactly the herbal therapy he imagined.
Slang of the Year: “Red Flag,” “Sigma,” “Pupupu” and More
Gramota.ru’s contenders for Russian Word of the Year include:
“red flag,” “sigma,” “pupupu,” “imba,” “limb,” “zoomer,” “burnout,” “prompt,” “slop,” “brainrot,” “highlight.”
A linguistic snapshot of the country’s cultural chaos.
Remote Workers Are “Getting Dumber,” Experts Say 🤯🤪🧠💥
Speech therapists say Russian remote workers are losing verbal skills: shrinking vocabulary, simplified sentences, and reduced clarity 😵💫📉.
Stickers and emojis are slowly replacing real communication 😂👉📲.
Efficiency up — eloquence down? 🤷♂️🧠⬇️
Orthodox Tinder Launches in Moscow
Introducing “Let’s Pray”, an offline Orthodox dating project.
No app, no website — only in-person meetings.
Participants are expected to find each other through religious events, traditions, and shared values.
Swipe right? No. Bow politely.
Plastic Medal for Childbirth: Collect All Four
In the Sverdlovsk region, officials have announced that new parents will receive a plastic medal for having a child.
The head of the regional Health Ministry, Tatyana Savinova, says the initiative is meant to boost the birth rate.
To complete the full medal collection, parents will need to have four children, the minister noted.
Tarot Readers Fined for “Extremism”
Russia has begun issuing fines to tarot readers.
In one case, a woman from Krasnodar was found guilty of displaying extremist symbols after posting a tarot card on VKontakte featuring Baphomet and a pentagram.
A court ruled the imagery represented symbols of the so-called “International Satanist Movement”, which is designated as extremist and banned in Russia.
“Ass” Officially Banned in Russia
In the latest linguistic twist, the word «жопа» “ass” has been officially labeled obscene in the new Explanatory Dictionary of the State Language, published by St. Petersburg State University.
No more “ass” in public discourse — at least not without risking a slap on the wrist from the language police.
“Start Having Kids After 18,” Says Matviyenko
Valentina Matviyenko urged young Russian women to start having children immediately after turning 18, calling it “normal” and “fashionable.”
For context: she had her own child at 24.
And that’s November — a month of heated gadgets, heated debates, viral grandmas, patriotic jingles, unexpected mustaches, and more cultural plot twists than a late-night soap opera.
Stay tuned — December is usually even stranger.
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